Yes, that’s what I said. A bad Spanish day. These things happen. It’s part of the expat life...
I was trying to explain a relatively simple request at work and I had a confused Argentine looking at me like I had horns growing out of my ears. Thankfully, someone else understood, but remarked that the reason my first request was unsuccessful was because I had asked in a slightly idiotic way. At which point I wanted to throw something at someone’s head. Both men were appealing targets.
I’m irritated. Seriously, every day I try all day long to get people to understand me. I subject myself to being criticized, stared at, laughed at, embarrassed and ignored. EVERY DAY.
This particular day, today, I’m just a little frustrated. It’s all making me tired. I’m feeling like my desire to keep making an effort is running a bit dry. Guess what, though? I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and give it another go. And if I keep trying long enough maybe someday I’ll be able to express myself in a fabulously eloquent manner and people will marvel at what a clever, charming, intelligent woman I am. Or maybe they just won’t laugh at me. I’ll take either scenario.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Gallivanting About
Home. After a few weeks of big adventures, I’ve finally settled back into my home. It’s kind of amazing that this strange little spot carries that label for me, but absolutely true. I love taking a vacation and feeling grateful to return home. That’s how you know it was a good break: you create fabulous memories and have wonderful experiences and you distance yourself just enough from “real life” that you can return and actually want to do it again.So what was I up to anyway? Well…
Parents
My parents came to visit for 3 weeks. We walked a lot, we talked a lot, and we really ate a lot. It was phenomenal to have the opportunity to share my little home with them. My expat life is very different, and I loved showing it off. Now they understand when I talk about how ham is a condiment in Argentina and the taxi drivers are crazy and they play bad 80’s music and my shoes have holes in them.Iguazu
Gorgeous, spectacular waterfalls. Despite sweltering weather and a snooty hotel the falls were amazing and I will never forget the views. Really, I don’t think I can describe it, so I’ll just say WOW!Cariló
This could be my favorite part of the whole trip. We spent 3 days being lazy and content at a quaint little seaside village. They had pine trees, phenomenal shopping and crisp ocean air. Dad learned how to use an Argentine bar-b-que and we sat around playing cards and chatting. That weekend is a memory I can cuddle up with on rainy cold lonely days: those moments hold warmth and love for me.Where do I even start? Browsing street vendors at the fair in San Telmo, wandering through the vast Recoleta Cemetery, peeking into museums, walking through Palermo’s gardens, Mom getting an eye infection and wearing a patch, having trouble finding apartments, finally finding something perfect, shopping, eating, laughing, drinking. And now they know. This is my home: big, rowdy, chic, bustling and always interesting.Buenos Aires, of course!
Who’s next? Come visit me!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Día Internacional de la Mujer
Today is the International Day of the Woman. Despite the progressive nature of my country, darling America, you forgot this one. The United Nations recognizes it! An important holiday!
I've been rather curious to discover why we women have a special holiday. What exactly are we celebrating here? It's a day to honor the historic struggle of women to gain equality and respect. I like that.
Next question: What do the Argentines DO to celebrate the day of the woman? Apparently, since I'm female my husband/boyfriend should bring me flowers and cook me dinner. Unfortunately I don't have a husband/boyfriend. Therefore, I can't celebrate? I'm a little confused. This is only a holiday if you have a significant other? Why on earth does the Day of the Woman require I have a MAN to celebrate? I find that infuriating.
Alternative solution: I think during Dia de la Mujer all the women should ditch their men and meet in the parks to drink mate, eat chocolate and gossip about girlieness such as hair, nails and how we really feel. I like this idea so much better. That would be a real celebration of femininity.
Maybe I'll start my own chocolate-eating holiday.
I've been rather curious to discover why we women have a special holiday. What exactly are we celebrating here? It's a day to honor the historic struggle of women to gain equality and respect. I like that.
Next question: What do the Argentines DO to celebrate the day of the woman? Apparently, since I'm female my husband/boyfriend should bring me flowers and cook me dinner. Unfortunately I don't have a husband/boyfriend. Therefore, I can't celebrate? I'm a little confused. This is only a holiday if you have a significant other? Why on earth does the Day of the Woman require I have a MAN to celebrate? I find that infuriating.
Alternative solution: I think during Dia de la Mujer all the women should ditch their men and meet in the parks to drink mate, eat chocolate and gossip about girlieness such as hair, nails and how we really feel. I like this idea so much better. That would be a real celebration of femininity.
Maybe I'll start my own chocolate-eating holiday.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Here to Stay
Today I checked my email and there was a letter from Continental Airlines reminding me to check in for my flight. Yes, that's right. I have a flight leaving Buenos Aires in an hour. And here I am, in my little apartment writing a blog instead. I'm not going home. I'm staying here. I have absolutely no plans to leave.
It was one of those odd moments when I saw the email from Continental. Like vaugly remembering that it's the birthday of your ex-boyfriend. Almost important. Not quite.
I suppose that means I'm here to stay. This better be fun! And well, if not... it's going to be a hell of a story someday.
It was one of those odd moments when I saw the email from Continental. Like vaugly remembering that it's the birthday of your ex-boyfriend. Almost important. Not quite.
I suppose that means I'm here to stay. This better be fun! And well, if not... it's going to be a hell of a story someday.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head...
This is my roof. Well-ventilated.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sleepytime Pondering
Sometimes I feel so anonymous in this big city. Riding the subte or a bus, I look around and see countless faces. So many people look so tired. They have worn lines on their faces, left from years of worry, remnants of the events they've survived. People stare vacantly at the wall, squished together uncomfortably. There's really nothing else to look at.
You could look at the person next to you, but that's sort of rude. You really can't help it, though. Looking around, suddenly you realize the crowd actually consists of unique individual people. Sometimes people smile and laugh together, couples cuddle and kiss, children cling to their mother's hands. There are small people and big people. People with gorgeous hair and thin straggly hair. Women wearing stilettos and men in crumpled button-downs. There are beautiful people with smooth Argentine skin and then there are people who are ugly people with crooked teeth and disheveled clothing. And you realize that you're just one of the masses. Throngs of people enter and exit, and if you don't bother to look close, well, they're just more people. They smell, they breathe, they move slowly along, trying to claim their tiny little places.
The other day I watched an itty bitty girl attempting to eat potato chips out of a bag. She could have tipped the bag and they would have fallen into her hand. Instead, reached into the bag to grab them, but it was too small for her hand so she spent inordinate amounts of time claiming each individual chip. She had a small round face and a flouncy red jumper. I watched, mesmerized by the awkward chip ritual, until her mother finally grabbed her roughly by the hand and dragged her off the subte, hand still stuck in the plastic. Today I watched a couple coddle together, the man whispering into the woman's ear as she giggled coyly and rubbed his leg. Yesterday I saw an obviously drunk group of boys; one of them with his head between his knees as his friends teased him mercilessly. I saw a woman wearing a neon paisley-print leotard on the way to the gym, her long manicured nails curled around the handle of a designer duffel bag. I saw an old woman distractingly gazing at me this morning, her eyes empty and her brown skin wrinkled and worn. They're just people. Lots of them.
Walking down the broken, littered streets here you doge the most stunning array of humanity. The lost tourists, the dusty obnoxious workers, the smartly suited business men, the chattering group of teenagers all jostling for a place on the narrow sidewalk. It exhausts me.
I have a student who is tired. He's been living in this big city for 15 years and he doesn't like it. His life isn't bad at all. In fact it's pretty good. He's successful, he lives in a beautiful house, he drives a nice car. Yet he's not happy; something is missing for him. I think that this city has just worn him down year after year and he can't escape. How many people live mediocre lives that simply aren't bad enough to risk changing? I often think that people walk around like zombies, repeating the same monotonous routine every day without noticing. It's just their lives. It's just how it is.
I wonder what people see when they look at me. If they even notice at all? They can't see my story. They probably don't know I've come thousands of miles to join them in their big city. I'm just one more person. Not incredible in any way, just one more person.
It strikes me that we all need to belong. We need to be wanted. Being just one of the hundreds of thousands of bodies wandering Buenos Aires isn't enough. The reason people find meaning and purpose is because someone somewhere cares about them and believes they're important. My student continues every day because he has a family: a wife and two daughters. They're his world; they make his life beautiful.
It's late at night and I can't sleep. I feel like just a little empty dot; one more little person living her little life. Thankfully, I do have people who love me and care about me. I just wish they weren't so very far away.
You could look at the person next to you, but that's sort of rude. You really can't help it, though. Looking around, suddenly you realize the crowd actually consists of unique individual people. Sometimes people smile and laugh together, couples cuddle and kiss, children cling to their mother's hands. There are small people and big people. People with gorgeous hair and thin straggly hair. Women wearing stilettos and men in crumpled button-downs. There are beautiful people with smooth Argentine skin and then there are people who are ugly people with crooked teeth and disheveled clothing. And you realize that you're just one of the masses. Throngs of people enter and exit, and if you don't bother to look close, well, they're just more people. They smell, they breathe, they move slowly along, trying to claim their tiny little places.
The other day I watched an itty bitty girl attempting to eat potato chips out of a bag. She could have tipped the bag and they would have fallen into her hand. Instead, reached into the bag to grab them, but it was too small for her hand so she spent inordinate amounts of time claiming each individual chip. She had a small round face and a flouncy red jumper. I watched, mesmerized by the awkward chip ritual, until her mother finally grabbed her roughly by the hand and dragged her off the subte, hand still stuck in the plastic. Today I watched a couple coddle together, the man whispering into the woman's ear as she giggled coyly and rubbed his leg. Yesterday I saw an obviously drunk group of boys; one of them with his head between his knees as his friends teased him mercilessly. I saw a woman wearing a neon paisley-print leotard on the way to the gym, her long manicured nails curled around the handle of a designer duffel bag. I saw an old woman distractingly gazing at me this morning, her eyes empty and her brown skin wrinkled and worn. They're just people. Lots of them.
Walking down the broken, littered streets here you doge the most stunning array of humanity. The lost tourists, the dusty obnoxious workers, the smartly suited business men, the chattering group of teenagers all jostling for a place on the narrow sidewalk. It exhausts me.
I have a student who is tired. He's been living in this big city for 15 years and he doesn't like it. His life isn't bad at all. In fact it's pretty good. He's successful, he lives in a beautiful house, he drives a nice car. Yet he's not happy; something is missing for him. I think that this city has just worn him down year after year and he can't escape. How many people live mediocre lives that simply aren't bad enough to risk changing? I often think that people walk around like zombies, repeating the same monotonous routine every day without noticing. It's just their lives. It's just how it is.
I wonder what people see when they look at me. If they even notice at all? They can't see my story. They probably don't know I've come thousands of miles to join them in their big city. I'm just one more person. Not incredible in any way, just one more person.It strikes me that we all need to belong. We need to be wanted. Being just one of the hundreds of thousands of bodies wandering Buenos Aires isn't enough. The reason people find meaning and purpose is because someone somewhere cares about them and believes they're important. My student continues every day because he has a family: a wife and two daughters. They're his world; they make his life beautiful.
It's late at night and I can't sleep. I feel like just a little empty dot; one more little person living her little life. Thankfully, I do have people who love me and care about me. I just wish they weren't so very far away.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
2009: Stability and Progress
Well, it's been awhile since I've posted a blog and a lot has been happening in my little life! The holidays came and went and I have to admit I'm a little relieved it's over now. I definitely missed home and family. Layne left right before Christmas and I can't stop missing her and then all my other friends promptly went out of town. However I managed to enjoy all the good little moments, although it didn't really feel like Christmas sweating in the sun, eating bar-b-que asado and watching fireworks. New Year's ended up being phenomenal: I went to a big banquet dinner at a club here in town and danced the night away in too-high painful heels (which looked hot, btw!) with my roommate Natalia.
I'm really loving my new apartment, specifically because of my awesome roommates. Natalia is precious, and Lucia is amazing too. They're both Argentine and only speak Spanish so I'm finally getting some good language practice. We also have an unusual wheezing cat named Oscar. He's got cat AIDS and is only about half alive and has no hair (I'm not kidding). I'm a little scared of him but we've manage to establish an unspoken agreement that if he doesn't get on my bed I'll feed him. The building itself is absolutely ancient, everything leaks, and I've got a living room/dining room/patio that is "open air" with a ceiling that opens and shuts. Sort of strange but also charming in a rustic way. My room is huge and I've done some creative decorating to make it mine. I nailed tree branches to my wall and hung all my jewelry on them and it turned out really cool. Wall art! I'll post pics soon but right now my laptop is on the fritz so I can't download all my recent photos. Hope to be getting that fixed soon! Although no computer has provided great motivation for some extra reading, and since all the books in our house are in Spanish it's been a fairly productive pastime.
My job is also evolving well. I started in the Customer Service department listening to lots of complaints and after my first 6 weeks have just received a promotion! I'm the New Projects Director now. The job is very well suited for me because it utilizes my talents: creative vision and organization. I'm coordinating the development of new websites from scratch. This means I get to invent the blueprint of the site, work with our designer to make it look gorgeous, work with our IT programmers to make it function and work with a team to generate all of the content. I'll be doing a lot of research and writing, but I'm most excited because I've got a lot of freedom to make the projects my own. It should be an excellent challenge and I'll be making a tiny bit more money: always motivational! I'm still teaching English on the side for a little extra money as well, which is nice too. I'm pretty attached to my students and would hate to let them go!
I also joined a phenomenal gym around the corner from my house and have been attending schizophrenic aerobic classes and trying to follow the weights plan my trainer designed for me. It's sort of fun: when you sign up at a gym here they assign you a trainer for free and then that person keeps track of you and gives you all sorts of things to do. I feel like my trainer is always laughing at me, though, because I don't know the names of any of the muscles or machines in Spanish, resulting in a lot of gesturing. But I'm learning! Much more monitored than our gyms back home. I'm really liking it.
As the new year rolled around I found myself wondering about the feared New Year's Resolutions. Here in Argentina they don't do resolutions, they do Deseos del Año Nuevo (New Year's Desires). I think I might like this better, since it is a little less pressure! Everyone knows you never keep New Years Resolutions! The past few years have been tumultuous and full of change for me, and my desire for 2009 is stability and progress. I've finally managed to make it to a sustainable point in my life. I've got somewhere to live, a good job and I'm working on a social network to support me and make it fun. So now I want to just "be" for a little bit and enjoy the moment. Argentina provides enough surprises I don't think I need to be generating any more big changes on my own. I want to work on establishing a life and living it, which I haven't been able to do for a long time. I am finally in a position to accomplish my personal goals and focus on developing my life and career, and I'm really ready for that. Of course, life has a way of throwing you curveballs so I'm prepared to be flexible. If anything, the past few years have taught me to adapt and take what comes for what it is. But since I get a deseo, here it is: tranquility in the moment. Let's have 2009 be a calm and stable one!
Just so you know, I miss you all and my heart has been at home for the holidays, even if I didn't make it in person. I'm sending hugs to all my loved ones! Cheers and Happy New Year!
I'm really loving my new apartment, specifically because of my awesome roommates. Natalia is precious, and Lucia is amazing too. They're both Argentine and only speak Spanish so I'm finally getting some good language practice. We also have an unusual wheezing cat named Oscar. He's got cat AIDS and is only about half alive and has no hair (I'm not kidding). I'm a little scared of him but we've manage to establish an unspoken agreement that if he doesn't get on my bed I'll feed him. The building itself is absolutely ancient, everything leaks, and I've got a living room/dining room/patio that is "open air" with a ceiling that opens and shuts. Sort of strange but also charming in a rustic way. My room is huge and I've done some creative decorating to make it mine. I nailed tree branches to my wall and hung all my jewelry on them and it turned out really cool. Wall art! I'll post pics soon but right now my laptop is on the fritz so I can't download all my recent photos. Hope to be getting that fixed soon! Although no computer has provided great motivation for some extra reading, and since all the books in our house are in Spanish it's been a fairly productive pastime.
My job is also evolving well. I started in the Customer Service department listening to lots of complaints and after my first 6 weeks have just received a promotion! I'm the New Projects Director now. The job is very well suited for me because it utilizes my talents: creative vision and organization. I'm coordinating the development of new websites from scratch. This means I get to invent the blueprint of the site, work with our designer to make it look gorgeous, work with our IT programmers to make it function and work with a team to generate all of the content. I'll be doing a lot of research and writing, but I'm most excited because I've got a lot of freedom to make the projects my own. It should be an excellent challenge and I'll be making a tiny bit more money: always motivational! I'm still teaching English on the side for a little extra money as well, which is nice too. I'm pretty attached to my students and would hate to let them go!
I also joined a phenomenal gym around the corner from my house and have been attending schizophrenic aerobic classes and trying to follow the weights plan my trainer designed for me. It's sort of fun: when you sign up at a gym here they assign you a trainer for free and then that person keeps track of you and gives you all sorts of things to do. I feel like my trainer is always laughing at me, though, because I don't know the names of any of the muscles or machines in Spanish, resulting in a lot of gesturing. But I'm learning! Much more monitored than our gyms back home. I'm really liking it.
As the new year rolled around I found myself wondering about the feared New Year's Resolutions. Here in Argentina they don't do resolutions, they do Deseos del Año Nuevo (New Year's Desires). I think I might like this better, since it is a little less pressure! Everyone knows you never keep New Years Resolutions! The past few years have been tumultuous and full of change for me, and my desire for 2009 is stability and progress. I've finally managed to make it to a sustainable point in my life. I've got somewhere to live, a good job and I'm working on a social network to support me and make it fun. So now I want to just "be" for a little bit and enjoy the moment. Argentina provides enough surprises I don't think I need to be generating any more big changes on my own. I want to work on establishing a life and living it, which I haven't been able to do for a long time. I am finally in a position to accomplish my personal goals and focus on developing my life and career, and I'm really ready for that. Of course, life has a way of throwing you curveballs so I'm prepared to be flexible. If anything, the past few years have taught me to adapt and take what comes for what it is. But since I get a deseo, here it is: tranquility in the moment. Let's have 2009 be a calm and stable one!
Just so you know, I miss you all and my heart has been at home for the holidays, even if I didn't make it in person. I'm sending hugs to all my loved ones! Cheers and Happy New Year!
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