Seeking: A Permanent Life.

Personal growth is a fascinating evolution. It generally happens in a painful fashion and then you emerge on the other side and discover that you're slightly more adult and mature. But those painful experiences? Yeah, they really hurt.

Recently I've had an interesting mix of life magic brewing in my world. On one hand, I've grown tremendously since arriving in Argentina. I've built a life here: good job, great friends, cute little apartment: all the basics. Maybe not quite as comfy as my American life, but certainly what I would call successful.

On the other hand, I feel like after a year and a half this place is starting to wear on me. Lately I’ve begun to really miss "home" again. Maybe the cataclysmic event was yet another painful, failed romance. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've accomplished what I came here to do. Maybe I'm just tired (this is not a city that sleeps). Maybe I just need a hug.

Regardless where the internal angst came from, independence has been kind of traumatic lately and I'm starting to just be exhausted by the difficulties of living in this culture. I miss the states. I miss my family. I miss normal time schedules. I miss being able to express myself without struggling though a foreign tongue.

I always feel like things are bittersweet here. When I build up my life, make new friends and expand my community here, there's a lurking impermanence about those accomplishments. I know that it's just temporary. I feel like I'm ready to start a permanent life. I want to make friends I can have for 10 years and settle in somewhere that I can truly call home long-term. Really, I'd say coming to that realization is progress for me. And if I listen to my heart, it's telling me it's time to head back.

Hopefully I'll return, and emerge on the other side of this adventure slightly more adult and self-actualized. It's scary, though. Going back means "starting over" and building an entirely new life once again: job hunt, house hunt and network building. None of those things are easy. But at least I'll get more hugs. xoxo