Sleepytime Pondering

Sometimes I feel so anonymous in this big city. Riding the subte or a bus, I look around and see countless faces. So many people look so tired. They have worn lines on their faces, left from years of worry, remnants of the events they've survived. People stare vacantly at the wall, squished together uncomfortably. There's really nothing else to look at.

You could look at the person next to you, but that's sort of rude. You really can't help it, though. Looking around, suddenly you realize the crowd actually consists of unique individual people. Sometimes people smile and laugh together, couples cuddle and kiss, children cling to their mother's hands. There are small people and big people. People with gorgeous hair and thin straggly hair. Women wearing stilettos and men in crumpled button-downs. There are beautiful people with smooth Argentine skin and then there are people who are ugly people with crooked teeth and disheveled clothing. And you realize that you're just one of the masses. Throngs of people enter and exit, and if you don't bother to look close, well, they're just more people. They smell, they breathe, they move slowly along, trying to claim their tiny little places.

The other day I watched an itty bitty girl attempting to eat potato chips out of a bag. She could have tipped the bag and they would have fallen into her hand. Instead, reached into the bag to grab them, but it was too small for her hand so she spent inordinate amounts of time claiming each individual chip. She had a small round face and a flouncy red jumper. I watched, mesmerized by the awkward chip ritual, until her mother finally grabbed her roughly by the hand and dragged her off the subte, hand still stuck in the plastic. Today I watched a couple coddle together, the man whispering into the woman's ear as she giggled coyly and rubbed his leg. Yesterday I saw an obviously drunk group of boys; one of them with his head between his knees as his friends teased him mercilessly. I saw a woman wearing a neon paisley-print leotard on the way to the gym, her long manicured nails curled around the handle of a designer duffel bag. I saw an old woman distractingly gazing at me this morning, her eyes empty and her brown skin wrinkled and worn. They're just people. Lots of them.

Walking down the broken, littered streets here you doge the most stunning array of humanity. The lost tourists, the dusty obnoxious workers, the smartly suited business men, the chattering group of teenagers all jostling for a place on the narrow sidewalk. It exhausts me.

I have a student who is tired. He's been living in this big city for 15 years and he doesn't like it. His life isn't bad at all. In fact it's pretty good. He's successful, he lives in a beautiful house, he drives a nice car. Yet he's not happy; something is missing for him. I think that this city has just worn him down year after year and he can't escape. How many people live mediocre lives that simply aren't bad enough to risk changing? I often think that people walk around like zombies, repeating the same monotonous routine every day without noticing. It's just their lives. It's just how it is.

I wonder what people see when they look at me. If they even notice at all? They can't see my story. They probably don't know I've come thousands of miles to join them in their big city. I'm just one more person. Not incredible in any way, just one more person.

It strikes me that we all need to belong. We need to be wanted. Being just one of the hundreds of thousands of bodies wandering Buenos Aires isn't enough. The reason people find meaning and purpose is because someone somewhere cares about them and believes they're important. My student continues every day because he has a family: a wife and two daughters. They're his world; they make his life beautiful.

It's late at night and I can't sleep. I feel like just a little empty dot; one more little person living her little life. Thankfully, I do have people who love me and care about me. I just wish they weren't so very far away.

2009: Stability and Progress

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted a blog and a lot has been happening in my little life! The holidays came and went and I have to admit I'm a little relieved it's over now. I definitely missed home and family. Layne left right before Christmas and I can't stop missing her and then all my other friends promptly went out of town. However I managed to enjoy all the good little moments, although it didn't really feel like Christmas sweating in the sun, eating bar-b-que asado and watching fireworks. New Year's ended up being phenomenal: I went to a big banquet dinner at a club here in town and danced the night away in too-high painful heels (which looked hot, btw!) with my roommate Natalia.

I'm really loving my new apartment, specifically because of my awesome roommates. Natalia is precious, and Lucia is amazing too. They're both Argentine and only speak Spanish so I'm finally getting some good language practice. We also have an unusual wheezing cat named Oscar. He's got cat AIDS and is only about half alive and has no hair (I'm not kidding). I'm a little scared of him but we've manage to establish an unspoken agreement that if he doesn't get on my bed I'll feed him. The building itself is absolutely ancient, everything leaks, and I've got a living room/dining room/patio that is "open air" with a ceiling that opens and shuts. Sort of strange but also charming in a rustic way. My room is huge and I've done some creative decorating to make it mine. I nailed tree branches to my wall and hung all my jewelry on them and it turned out really cool. Wall art! I'll post pics soon but right now my laptop is on the fritz so I can't download all my recent photos. Hope to be getting that fixed soon! Although no computer has provided great motivation for some extra reading, and since all the books in our house are in Spanish it's been a fairly productive pastime.

My job is also evolving well. I started in the Customer Service department listening to lots of complaints and after my first 6 weeks have just received a promotion! I'm the New Projects Director now. The job is very well suited for me because it utilizes my talents: creative vision and organization. I'm coordinating the development of new websites from scratch. This means I get to invent the blueprint of the site, work with our designer to make it look gorgeous, work with our IT programmers to make it function and work with a team to generate all of the content. I'll be doing a lot of research and writing, but I'm most excited because I've got a lot of freedom to make the projects my own. It should be an excellent challenge and I'll be making a tiny bit more money: always motivational! I'm still teaching English on the side for a little extra money as well, which is nice too. I'm pretty attached to my students and would hate to let them go!

I also joined a phenomenal gym around the corner from my house and have been attending schizophrenic aerobic classes and trying to follow the weights plan my trainer designed for me. It's sort of fun: when you sign up at a gym here they assign you a trainer for free and then that person keeps track of you and gives you all sorts of things to do. I feel like my trainer is always laughing at me, though, because I don't know the names of any of the muscles or machines in Spanish, resulting in a lot of gesturing. But I'm learning! Much more monitored than our gyms back home. I'm really liking it.

As the new year rolled around I found myself wondering about the feared New Year's Resolutions. Here in Argentina they don't do resolutions, they do Deseos del Año Nuevo (New Year's Desires). I think I might like this better, since it is a little less pressure! Everyone knows you never keep New Years Resolutions! The past few years have been tumultuous and full of change for me, and my desire for 2009 is stability and progress. I've finally managed to make it to a sustainable point in my life. I've got somewhere to live, a good job and I'm working on a social network to support me and make it fun. So now I want to just "be" for a little bit and enjoy the moment. Argentina provides enough surprises I don't think I need to be generating any more big changes on my own. I want to work on establishing a life and living it, which I haven't been able to do for a long time. I am finally in a position to accomplish my personal goals and focus on developing my life and career, and I'm really ready for that. Of course, life has a way of throwing you curveballs so I'm prepared to be flexible. If anything, the past few years have taught me to adapt and take what comes for what it is. But since I get a deseo, here it is: tranquility in the moment. Let's have 2009 be a calm and stable one!

Just so you know, I miss you all and my heart has been at home for the holidays, even if I didn't make it in person. I'm sending hugs to all my loved ones! Cheers and Happy New Year!

Thankful

This weekend I went on a magical dream vacation! Layne, my little friend from Arkansas with her sweet southern twang, and I went to Mendoza. It’s the wine-growing region here in Argentina, close to Chile at the base of the Andes Mountains. It’s famous for the amazing Malbec wine produced there, and rightly so because it’s delicious! The wine was, of course, what lured me there, but the city is completely captivating as well.

Mendoza’s tranquil tree-lined streets are a welcome contrast to my own busy city. They have a charming park with giant gurgling fountains, and a pedestrian street with a canopy of green and a myriad of outdoor dining options. Layne and I wandered all over the city center, which was feasible since it’s fairly small, peeking into tourist shops, perusing the artesian vendors and grabbing drinks at patio tables. We had a killer hotel, very cute and mod and we discovered our first day there that they had an empty Jacuzzi on the top floor of the building. Due to the heat, we commenced to fill it to the top with freezing cold water, climbed in, and downed a bottle of Rose while gazing at the Andes in the distance and chattering about boys, life, love and the bright promises of the future. It was idyllic.

On day 2 we had a wine tour booked and our adorable guide, Julia, showed up bright and early to whisk us off to wine land. We started at the Finca Decero winery where we had the luxury of touring a brand-new facility. The tour was incredible, and I felt like I learned a lot about the wine-making process and the grapes here in Argentina. It was also very educational to see all of the newest equipment available. Everything they used was pristine, stainless steel, perfect condition. Their philosophy is “amano” which means “by hand” and they worked very hard to integrate this branding into the construction of the winery. The vineyards and the views were incomparable; the mountains in the distance gave it a magical feeling. The day couldn’t have started out better!

We then got to taste their wines, which were phenomenal. I purchased a bottle of their Malbec, but their blend was also amazing even though I couldn’t afford to take it home! In addition, I had the opportunity to try a 100% petit verdot, which might not mean much to many people, but it’s normally a blending grape, so tasting this varietal was a treat for me.

Next we went to Achaval Ferrer, which is a winery that does a lot of exporting to the US. Their wines were pretty expensive, but very good and we were able to taste three different Malbecs. My favorite was the Mirador, a big spicy accosting wine. Yum! Each were 100% Malbec varietals, but tasted completely different based on where they had been grown and the composition of the soil in that region. It was very interesting! I enjoyed the compare and contrast lesson.

For our third winery, we headed to Ruca Malen. We had another wine tour there, and then sat down to a lovely six-course meal with wine pairings. The little outdoor patio where we ate was divine, with a breeze blowing big white curtains and vineyards surrounding us. I couldn’t have asked for better company either; by the third winery Julia, myself and Layne were absolute chatterboxes and thoroughly enjoyed one another’s company.

Finally, we visited a tiny hidden little winery, called Carmelo Patti. Carmelo himself, since he is one of their only two employees, gave us a tour. The reason I enjoyed this tour so much was that everything there is genuinely made by hand. In contrast to the first place we visited, which was brand new, sparkling and clean, Carmelo’s winery was old, with Malbec-stained walls and ancient concrete vats to ferment the wine. It had that charm that antiques possess, and after our tour I wasn’t the least surprised to discover his wine was meticulously crafted. Beautiful, soft flavors with complex subtlety: the man is an artist. It was the only place without a tour in English, so I happily contented myself with his romantic wine explanations in Spanish.

That night Layne and I went to dinner at a place called Winery, a wine-store chain with locations throughout the country. It was one of the best meals I’ve had here: perfectly cooked short ribs with a divine red-wine sauce accompanied by a beautiful Syrah. Such perfection is hard to find and I assure you we savored it on that little patio covered in flowering vines, serenaded by a fountain and mod lounge music. Bliss.

Of course, I eventually had to come home. Which meant an 18-hour bus ride. This sounds horrific, but it wasn’t too bad. The buses here are amazingly comfortable, and you can put your seat back so it’s almost like a bed. Fairly luxurious, all things considered! On Tuesday I started my new job and it’s exactly as expected. Easy but steady and secure. I’m grateful for the work and I think I’ll be happy there for now. My co-workers are all really sweet and young as well, so that’s always a good bonus. This Sunday I make my big move too! Lots of excitement happening in Amber-land.

Well, today is Thanksgiving. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more apathetic about a holiday. It could just be the heat. It’s sweltering here right now. I woke up sweating. The so-called “holiday season” is upon us, and I can’t seem to get excited in any fashion. In fact, it just seems odd to gaze into shop windows and see Christmas trees and snowmen ornaments. Like my iPod accidentally started playing Jingle Bells in July while I was in my swimsuit driving to the beach. Just doesn’t seem quite right, you know? The good part about this is that I don’t feel sad. Confused maybe, nostalgic, yes… but sad? No. It all seems to me more of a curious phenomenon than something I’m actually missing. I might shed a tear or two today when I talk to my mom, but overall I’m really too hot and too busy to care much at all.

So when it’s time to say what you’re grateful for this thanksgiving, I recommend sending some love out to your air conditioner. I’ll content myself with giving thanks for fabulous wine :)

Engrossed in a Book

The apartment where I currently live is full of books. Most of them are not novels, but works of literature, from famous Latin American authors like Borges or Paublo Nerudo. Collections of short stories and poems line the shelves. I’ve been enchanted by this impressive collection, but haven’t made much progress through the pages. I attempted a book of short stories in Spanish and was convinced the author had written a story about a giant whale that fell from the sky and landed in the middle of Buenos Aires, spewing blood down the streets. Charming, no? Really, I couldn’t understand the book very well, although I finished it. Since I’m here I’ve felt obligated to read in Spanish and so I’ve labored through books and magazines, but haven’t found that quiet respite that a good book brings to it’s reader.

Then a few days ago I was perusing the shelves and an ancient little novel caught my eye. Around the World in 80 Days. I had read it as a teenager, and I quickly grabbed it and hid it away, because not only did it promise a little adventure, but it’s in English. So I’m reading this divine little story and it’s completely enthralled me. I’ve been reading on the bus, on the subte, as I wait for my classes, standing in line waiting in the incomparably slow government offices… I can’t let it go. Because it’s an absolute treat. It’s completely delighted me. I’m almost done now and I can’t help but mourn the end of the book, because I want to keep reading forever. This tiny, old tattered book has returned me to my childhood, when I learned the secret of walking and reading as a teenager because I could never put down my book. The bus driver who took me to middle school would worry I’d fall down the bus steps because my eyes wouldn’t leave the pages. Truly, a good book is a tiny blissful blessing. Loves it!

Hey, I've got some big news!

I’ve been in Argentina for a little over four months now and it’s been an interesting start to my voyage. I feel like I have made a serious effort to establish myself here, but it’s been challenging and teaching English just hasn’t been paying the bills. So I’ve been working on making adjustments to improve my little life!

First, I got a job!!! A “real” job working in an office for a place called Lead to Realty. It’s a US company that matches real estate buyers and sellers with agents. I’ll start out as a customer service representative and the vision is that I will be able to move around in the company if I do well. They are expanding the business right now so it’s a perfect time to join in. For me, the major benefit of this job is stability. I’ll receive a steady paycheck, and I will be able to go to one (air conditioned!) place all day every day! I appreciate a professional atmosphere, so I think it will be nice for me to have a job where I am taken seriously. I’ll also be legal which means medical benefits and paid days off! Pretty luxurious! I start the 25^th so I’m sure I’ll have lots more to say later. Right now I’m trying to get paperwork for my visa… aahhh! Huge hassle, made worse by the fact that I’m gathering US documents from Argentina. It will probably be a couple of months before everything is acquired and processed, but once I accomplish it, my life will be a lot easier: I’ll get paid more and I’ll start receiving my benefits. Whoo! Then I can go to the dentist!

Second, I found a new place to live!! While the boys I live with are lovely people, I’m ready for a girly house. And I found one! I’m moving in with two Argentine girls, both my age, who are in their last year of college. They are very, very nice and the house feels like a nice little home. It’s a bit smaller and has more character than the place I am in now, but it’s SO much quieter, in a more residential neighborhood and it’s cheaper. They also have a sad old cat who is loosing all of her hair. Bonus: they only speak Spanish so I’m going to get a little more practice. I think it’s a much better fit for me than my current living situation, so I’m pretty excited.

Third, I’m going on vacation next weekend. It’s my last “hurrah” before settling in and getting serious with work. Layne and I are going wine tasting in Mendoza. It’s going to be quiet and relaxing. We’re going to eat too much and drink too much and talk about girly things like shoes all weekend long. Completely divine! Expect pictures.

That’s all my news for the moment, wish me luck! Lots of big changes (and challenges, I’m sure) coming up for me. Truly, it’s a step in the right direction. I’m doing the best to pull together all the parts my life to make it something I enjoy living.

A little bit of everything (including muskrats)

Sarah, this is YOUR pet!!!

Let’s start this blog with the ZOO! They’ve got a zoo here in Buenos Aires and it’s pretty awful. They don’t have a hippopotamus and their elephants look like they are about to expire. Actually, most of the animals looked pretty pathetic. However, there is one animal that is alive and thriving: the muskrat. At least that’s what I think those giant rodents were. Not only are the muskrats healthy: they are abundant. Here in Argentina they don’t think rodents the size of dogs should be in a cage. Oh, no, let them run free all over the park. So, everywhere we looked there were giant muskrats sitting on benches, cooling themselves under trees, taking a dip in the lake with the flamingos and eating peanuts out of children’s hands. Lovely!

El Alteneo: making Barne's and Noble look boring.

Other fun adventures for this month include visiting El Alteneo, which is a magnificent cathedral which was converted into a library. It’s one of the most peaceful, gorgeous locations I’ve found in the city. Perfect for hiding in a book! Also, I’ve been enjoying the pretty plazas here in Argentina now that the weather is so nice. Perfect spring afternoons for sitting outside and drinking a glass of champagne!

Lane and I, about to go get some drinks!

Finally, we silly Americans decided to give Halloween a try here in Argentina. It was loads of fun riding the bus wearing devil’s ears. Despite the lack of candy corn, we managed to all look ridiculous and enjoy one another’s company.

Me, wearing my devil's ears that were made from a plastic pasta wrapper, Natalie with her home-made hippie costume and Nina who is... uh... a superhero?

"Worst-Case Scenario" Vacation

You know that little voice inside your head that sometimes whispers to you “self, is this REALLY a good idea?” That voice? It’s always right. So why on earth do we ignore it, huh? I’ve got a fabulous example for you:

Last weekend I went on a disaster vacation. It was a last-minute decision: myself and five other friends threw caution to the wind and booked a trip with some random travel agency. Hey, it was the only place that we could find accommodations two days before Oktoberfest. All the hotels in the tiny city of Villa General Belgrano, outside of Cordoba, were booked up so we figured this was the next-best option. When I talked to the travel agent, it did sound a little “rustic” and I felt slightly worried… but all my friends were going and I figured, “What the hell? It will be fun!"

Sam and I: ignorance is bliss.

It started out just lovely. We left Friday night and slept on a big, comfy bus. They showed stupid movies in English, we drank wine and chatted excitedly. About 9 am the next morning we arrived to the “camp” where we were staying. It was cute! Exactly like summer camp as a child: bunk beds in cabins, a big eating area, little ducks running around and a giant bar-b-q. Aside from the fact that I had to take a cold shower and there was only one bathroom for 20 girls, it wasn’t too bad. The problem, though, was our bus couldn’t get to the campground. It was down a long, bumpy dirt road. Instead, we had to be shuttled down the road in groups, which turned out to be a giant pain. Group one had to load up and be dropped off, then the bus had to come back to get group two. This added about an hour onto any destination. Despite the inconvenient shuttle system, it still seemed like the weekend had lots of potential and we started off in high spirits.

Natalie likes animals (even ugly, molting chickens).

The first day at the campground was spectacularly warm and sunny. Girls were lying out in little bikinis and people were sweating as they drank their beers and played ping pong. We were supposed to leave at 2pm for Oktoberfest, however since this is Argentina and time is simply NOT an issue, we didn’t leave until about 4:30. Then we had to go in groups on the stupid shuttle, so by the time we all got on the bus it was about 5:30 and we were hungry, grumpy and hot. Then the bus had to stop for gas. At last we got on the road for the big event. We had been told that our campground was about an hour from the festival. This was a LIE. It took about 2 hours to get there and by the time we arrived it was about 7:30 and starting to get dark. Not just dark, but cold and drizzly too. Since the day had been so warm, no one had thought to bring jackets. We were dressed in little skirts and t-shirts, happily ignorant of any weather concerns.

The festival was fabulous. We arrived to dancing, singing and overall merriment. Thrilled to finally be there we immediately purchased giant beer mugs and filled them with delicious sweet dark beer. Starving, we ordered polish hot dogs stuffed with cheese, wrapped in ham and topped with mounds of sauerkraut. My friend Layne and I sat down at a table and began devouring our food. It started raining and I looked at her and said, “I am so hungry I don’t even care that it’s raining!” With a little giggle, she agreed “I know! I’m starving! It doesn’t even matter.” But then I noticed my bun was getting soggy, because the rain was becoming more insistent. The drops were getting larger and both my food and I were getting wetter and wetter. I finally caved, “I think we better move!” We got up and just as we began moving towards shelter, the sky started dumping buckets of water on us. The nearest cover was a tacky little plastic table with an inadequate plastic umbrella. We attempted to huddle underneath it, but rain rolled down my back and down Layne’s arms. We watched, horrified, as people ran helter-skelter, holding chairs over their heads and climbing underneath tables. It was a mess. And it didn’t stop. The rain continued all night long. During a brief respite we reunited with the rest of our friends and we all attempted to make the best of the situation, drinking and laughing and trying to have positive attitudes. But reality exists: it was cold, we were wet, and our bus didn’t leave until midnight.

When it was finally time to leave we were more than happy to climb aboard the bus and head back to camp. Visions of a warm cabin and dry clothes filled our fuzzy little beer-heads. After the two-hour drive back to the campground the first group crawled onto the little shuttle, freezing and huddling together to try and stay warm. I sat shivering next to my friend Sam as we started down the dirt road. But we didn’t get too far: the bus got stuck! We sat there in despair as the wheels spun in the mud. After a miserable 45 minutes it was obvious that the situation was completely hopeless and we returned to the bus. They put on a movie and told us to just wait tight.

The problem, of course, was there were no hotels because it was Oktoberfest. So after a night of phone calls the trip coordinators finally secured a dump for us to stay at. Of course it wasn’t ready, so we took shelter in a very classy Shell station where we waited for 4 hours drinking coffee and wishing it wasn’t 5am. At last we headed to our dirty, smelly hotel where we continued waiting for another few hours. About 11am myself and my two girlfriends, Natalie and Layne, got a room. Layne bought some soap and we showered and fell into bed, grateful regardless of the pathetic accommodations. When we woke up we were pleased to discover that our things had been recovered from the campground and brought to the hotel. Despite some fear and trepidation we were going to return to Oktoberfest again that night, so we got ready. This time we were prepared! Coats, extra changes of clothing, pillows, blankets and provisions filled our bags!

Oktoberfest the second night was much more fun. We rode a ridiculous ride where you stood in the middle of a giant gyrating circle that threw you onto the floor and gave you bruises. While it was the worst ride I have ever ridden, it made us all collapse in giggles and amazement. That would have been a lawsuit in the US for sure! We listened to the music, chatted, drank and took lots of pictures. I managed to lose my mug and was completely devastated, but overall the night was a success.

Layne and I lovin' it! So sad about the mug...

The next morning they loaded us on the bus. We were hung-over, tired and worn-out from the traumatic weekend, but we were to be compensated by going horseback riding. While that part was fun, the fact that we were stuck in the middle of a camp for 4 hours without food or water was not so entertaining. We returned to the hotel and were greeted with the worst bar-b-q I have ever had in my entire life. Ah, yes: luxury accommodations.

My favorite people: Layne, Daniel, Natalie, Sam and, oh! Me!
(Charles, where are you?)

When it was finally time to go home, I won’t pretend I wasn’t thrilled. While it was good to get away from the bustle of city life for the weekend, it was more of an “experience” than a “vacation.” However, surviving it together created a myriad of stories my friends and I haven’t stopped laughing about since. Oh, and the impromptu dance party on the bus ride home was an extra bonus highlight…